Alayssa Lonewolfe

this is something i found posted on another board, and just HAD to share...


This could happen to YOU!!

Calling in sick for work makes me uncomfortable. No matter
how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my
boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I
hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage
on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my
wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new
acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking
my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, call out to
me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come
reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the
shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and
sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then she said, "C'mon, it'll
only take you a seconds."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my
silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how
I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the
sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing...

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing
metal teeth.

It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been
poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under
the sink. And, at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.
I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air
when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now
there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of
"been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics
were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the
while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter........and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all.

A few days later I finally made it back to work, where my
colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head
injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,
which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Lizidiarking

:rollin

ThePerfectFlaw

afk, going over to my friends house to destroy their kittens.

Dartaignon

I pulled mine out to shake it at the wife one time, and the cat went after it. One would think lightning shot up my ass when I moved so quickly.

Lacihtenu

ROFL too funny!!!