http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/70300494.html

First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.

When you come to court, consider your dress. If you’re charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the “UniBonger” on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.

Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.

I’m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won’t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don’t be pissed off. I didn’t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don’t be too surprised by your limited options and that I’m the one telling you about them.

Don’t think you’ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I’m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.

It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.

For the guys: Don’t think I’m amused when you flirt or offer to “do me.” You can’t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.

For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I’m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing shit. I do wish you’d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren’t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.

For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right – neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don’t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don’t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don’t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don’t leave a note saying that you’re sorry.

If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.

Don’t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That’s not harassment, that’s good store security.

And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You’re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.

"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.

"All the money is gone now." Not a defense

"The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.

"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.

"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.

"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.

For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.

For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.

Lol.

My other half is a barrister, well, trainee, and some of the idiots she meets... christ.

Speaking as someone who deals with meth-heads, heroin junkies and your random lunatic rampaging around with a handaxe physically, I can relate especially to much of the post.

I thank you for this very humorous submission.

As someone who worked for a bail bond agency (where it was sometimes our job, in the case of particularly flaky clients, to make sure they showed up for court), I found this both funny and poignant. I sprung many a meth addict out of jail over those two years and saw all of the wheedling mentioned in the article (my boss was *not* above accepting sexual favors from some of the above mentioned meth sluts in exchange for part of their bond fee, however, and eventually died of HIV he'd contracted from one of them). Half the bail bond agency was also addicted and one of the funniest things I remember happening was one of the paranoid gits threatening to drive his truck through the building as retaliation for H. having gone off his bond. He was so messed up when he got around to it that he drove his truck through the *wrong* pawn shop, several blocks away ;).

Perhaps the most pathetic meth story I ever personally encountered, though, was the case of a gal who worked at the plastics plant with me shortly after I left the bail bond business. She had not long before left her abusive husband (not a little slapping around here, multiple broken bones, including the arm of her 8 year old daughter) and became despondent over the malicious custody fight that ensued. Not the most stable person to begin with, she hooked up with a guy at the plant (who was a nice guy who had a head injury, but that's another story) who was in the subculture and she fell in heavy and began snorting away her sorrows to the point where even Joe was forced to leave her to her fate.

By the time I went to take her a bag of Christmas presents for her three children that winter so that they'd have one, she was living in a meth house with no electricity or running water, and was frequently coming in late to work because the other addicts in the house had used all the gas in her truck to run a generator, or run the battery down for similar purposes; I drove her home from work several times and got to witness the scene in its sickening entirety. Ironically, but perhaps fortunately, the kids were now with the father most of the time, who was marginally more stable even if he beat the snot out of them (particularly the daughter, who was the oldest and whom we suspect he had a sexual interest in), although it would have been better if they were with CPS.

Despite being a slave to addiction and terror, she really *was* trying to do right by her children and her job and otherwise manage things; and she was never anything but sweet to me. She brought me sandwiches, we finished each other's molding, and covered for each other when I wanted to trot off early to a Bi-Net meeting or to the community college's band practice, or when she had various sorts of 'emergencies' that the non drug-addicted poor tend not to understand.

A week or so after that Christmas, she came by to thank me for the Christmas presents and to share how much her daughter was enjoying the 'Pippi Longstocking' books I'd included from my childhood collection (the boys were 5 and 3 so I'd given them some toy planes and trucks). She had been excitedly relating the stories to her mother and the first thing out of her mouth had been: "She has red hair, Mama, just like me!" They were the first books anyone had *ever* given her and it's sad to think about how much potential was crushed and wasted there, both in her and the little boys both.

About two months later, she couldn't hold it together any longer and lost the job there; in addition to the addiction she became so afraid for the children (little girl had another suspicious injury) that she moved back in with the estranged husband, who was not above using the kids as a lever, and as he lived some 30 miles away she couldn't reliably make the drive any more (and of course he did not want her to, either, and actively sabotaged her). I lost touch with her shortly after that, my own life being fairly tumultuous at that age, but found a little note she'd stuck on my molding machine the other day and thought of her, and wondered where she and those poor children are now.

I don't know why I related such a depressing story but I think the last line in the public defender's story struck a chord with me, as I've seen the results (of a lack of resources and at least one caring person in someone's life) too many times.

Regards,
Nydia

Nydia, Speaking as someone that could have very easily been an addict, I can honestly say it's not other people that make a difference; It's the person's choices that do that for them.
I could have very easily started down the alcoholic's path in my life, but I recognized the signs, and stopped myself.
I decided that I wasn't going to make the same mistakes so many of my family had, and stopped drinking.
No 12 step program, no one for me to lean on, but myself.
Sure there were days, when getting blitzed would have been "justified".
I decided that dealing with any problems with a sober mind, was my best chance.

As to the story of your friend, it is indeed sad, she decided that getting high, and subjecting her children to a man that would do those things to her and them were the proper decisions to make.
One can only hope that she decided enough was enough, and got herself straightened out, before her or her children were really hurt.
While it's very easy to point the finger away from the addict, onto some other "external" cause, the fact remains, the addict's choices generally put them where they are.

I think you related that story, due to the time of year.
Call it the Ghost of Christmas Past, that forces us to reflect at the end of the year on the past, as many are wont to at the end of our lives.
It's a cycle that's been going on since far before "A Christmas Carol" was put to paper.
The symbolic end of the year, forces us to reflect upon our own lives, and wonder about decisions, people, and situations that could have, should have and would have.

Dear Sixee:

I'm not naive about addiction; I'm the child of an alcoholic, as is Faervas (his is recovering and refers to going to AA as 'going to church', mine... isn't), and I'm a big fan of Bill W. and the soul-searching, personal accountability for behavior while recognizing addicition as a disease, approach. While the substance abuse *is* the person's problem, it's certainly true that life circumstances can and do 'push people over the edge', or make redemption a lot more difficult (slapping felony convictions and long prison terms on drug users charged with simple possession instead of offering rehabilitation, for example).

In my friend's case, she had had a hell of a lot wrong in her life before she was introduced to crystal meth; *any* vestige of a support system, familial or institutional, certainly might have interrupted her fall, or lessened the fallout to her and her children.

I had a funny thing happen while I was finishing up that letter yesterday, about my time both at the bail bond agency and moreso at the plastics plant, where I worked with other blue-collar technicians for five years -- I started thinking about the lives of all of those people I spent those years with. Of the people who worked in my department and whom became my good friends there, all but one (4/5) of the female techs there were in or had been in physically abusive relationships; the male paint tech had two adopted children out of foster care who had come from a home with abuse and drug use in it (the boy had hearing problems as a result, the girl had issues related to sexual abuse); another one struggled to raise five kids on one income at that salary and kept running afoul of all the predatory lending practices offered the poor as well as spurious CPS calls from the neighborhood zealots who didn't like the fact that they were a Pagan family; several of the male techs and two of the female techs were involved with methamphetamine; and the oldest female tech (who was finally in a stable relationship with an only slightly domineering and controlling older man) lost her daughter to a drunk-driving accident (the girl was drunk, high, and racing on I-20). My good friend and shift manager D, himself the product of severe childhood abuse, was perenially psychically arrested in the 5th grade and after a day of being one of the most delightful guys you'll ever meet, would get plastered on scotch while listening to his Earth Wind and Fire albums at ear-splitting volume and alternatingly being manic and morose, bemoaning the loss of custody of his 13 year old daughter; I could go on and on, but I was really struck by just how *much* abuse and addiction factored into the lives of a bunch of basically good people just struggling to get by at legitimate, semi-skilled jobs and raise their own children.

It's naive to tell people to 'just say no or we'll put you in jail and take your kids' under such circumstances, as that isn't going to make all of their pain and problems go away, and I think we as a nation need to focus more resources on the rehabilitation end of things. I'm not advocating a 'mommy state', but it certainly would pay longer term dividends than simply incarcerating them, although I do, of course, believe people should be held accountable for their (non-simple possession) crimes.

Also, it's undeniable that how one is treated by the law independent of actual guilt or innocence often boils down to socioeconomic status and connections, or what 'side' of the law one is on; I watched some of my colleagues at the bail bond agency regularly get away with felonies while at the same time I'd be bailing (overwhelmingly poor, minority) people out for traffic violations who had been 'roughed up' by the cops or hauled in for such minor infractions as a broken taillight while their more affluent-appearing neighbors would be let off with a warning, even for much more severe offenses. The poor have no way to fight back, and get bled out for cash to a much greater degree, ironically, than those with greater resources. As a result, they somewhat justifiably have a much more jaundiced view of law enforcement then those of us who are more comfortable and this, too, works against them when it comes time to face those institutions.

I'm rambling again, but it was really... odd, looking back and looking back at those events and people nearly 20 years after the fact and thinking just how *much* of the suffering I witnessed was the result of factors that were the result of terrible childhoods and the stress of just *being* poor, perpetuated in the form of destructive coping mechanisms for dealing with the same (i.e. addiction and the perpetuation of abuse).

Heinous things happen in more affluent households too, of course, but the fallout is usually cushioned or hidden better, and the affected individuals at least usually have the resources (of all types) to seek therapy instead of losing their kids and ending up in prison.

Regards,
Nydia

And on that note, a report from the BBC (based on a report from a US agency study) on the state of America's prison system today; our prison population has risen eight-fold since 1970, at great expense and entirely out of proportion to population grown (the proportion of 18-35 males has actually shrunk during that time), with no noticable impact on crime and at great public expense:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7102054.stm

Actual data and publications from the JFA institute here:
http://www.jfa-associates.com/publications/

Regards,
Nydia

I didn't grow up in an affluent household, rather, I was the product of a single, almost abusive mom, who was a borderline alcoholic.
I recognized how difficult my mom made it on herself, trying to be a single parent, during a time when having a child born out of wedlock was considered 1 step short of murder. Drinking on top of it all, just added to her issues.

In spite of all that, I did start down the path.
Once I recognized where I was headed, I made a conscious decision to stop it.
Am I so different than anyone with a similar upbringing? Is there something "special" about me?

All I did was recognize I had a potential problem, and took the necessary steps to prevent it.
I have an occasional drink, when I'm with friends. I know when I've had too many, not to drive. Moderation, is the key.

If I see people smoking stuff they shouldn't, I distance myself from them. I don't deal with drugs of any sort.

All of these are conscious things, that keep me out of trouble.

I could have very easily used the excuse of my mom slapping me in the mouth on my 8th birthday to beat my son.
I could have blamed my father not being around as being the reason for going out and shooting up.
I didn't and haven't, and I don't think I'm any different than most people.

I'm pretty sure that most of the people that you see beating their children, and caught up in substance abuse know that they are doing wrong.

They can help themselves. It's not a "disease" like cancer. You can't go out and pick up a dime bag of cancer. Addiction is a mental disorder.

They'd rather use the excuses. It's easier. They don't have to accept any responsibility for their actions if they can blame anyone but themselves.

Therein lies the real rub; it's also only them that can help themselves. But only when they decide to take responsibility, and try to do something about it. No support group and no amount of Government funding will help a person that doesn't want it.

They can help themselves. It's not a "disease" like cancer. You can't go out and pick up a dime bag of cancer. Addiction is a mental disorder.

This doesn't make it any less of a disease. Piles of research have shown that the genetically-predisposed to alcoholism folks really *do* have different things happen in their brains when they drink than those of us not so predisposed; and that certain drugs, like methamphetamine, induce permanent neurological changes which reinforce the addiction.

I *do* agree that addicts use every excuse in the book, and plenty of new ones, in order to blame 'circumstances' or anything but their behavior, for their condition; but this, too, doesn't mean that they don't have a legitimate physiological syndrome or need help dealing with underlying causes (such as childhood or domestic abuse) in order for them to have a prayer of staying clean.

It's not an 'either/or' situation. Yes, the addict has to realize that they have a problem, and genuinely want to change (and not just to get 'off the hook' as it were); in recovery communities there's a lot of talk of the necessity of 'bottoming out' at wherever that was for them in order for them to commit to recovery. That having been said, we don't do addicts any favors by incarcerating them for simple possession crimes without offering them any help, or failing to help them address the underlying issues that pushed them towards seeking solace at the bottom of a bottle/whathaveyou in the first place.

Regards,
Nydia

There are programs in prison to help people that want it.
The key is the last part of that sentence.
Too many people decide that they don't have a problem, or it isn't "cool" to seek help.
The person has to want that help.
Maybe prison is the "bottoming out" they need?
Not all people are the same, some need knocked around more than others. There is no easy answer.

12 step programs have an built in "God" clause. I don't like that, myself. It abdicates responsibility.

"with no noticable impact on crime"

I couldn't find where they reached that conclusion (in the article or on the JFA site).

DOJ site shows statistics from 1973-2005:

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/cvict.htm

Violent crimes show level between 73 and 90 with a substantial decline thereafter.

Property crimes show a general decline every year since the early 70s. Total property crime peaked in 1975 with 553 incidents per 1000 households. 2005 levels were at 154 incidents per 1000 households.

I'd say both violent and property crimes show a remarkable impact.

The correlation is interesting, but that seems like one of those things far too complex to prove causality either way. Just like Levitt and Dubner's claims about abortion vs. crime. Fun to talk about, but ultimately pointless to hinge an argument on.

"with no noticable impact on crime"

I couldn't find where they reached that conclusion (in the article or on the JFA site).

DOJ site shows statistics from 1973-2005:

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/cvict.htm

Violent crimes show level between 73 and 90 with a substantial decline thereafter.

Property crimes show a general decline every year since the early 70s. Total property crime peaked in 1975 with 553 incidents per 1000 households. 2005 levels were at 154 incidents per 1000 households.

I'd say both violent and property crimes show a remarkable impact.The first question that comes to my mind when I read this is - if there's so much less crime happening, then why's there so many more people being put in prison? Just an idle thought...

The first question that comes to my mind when I read this is - if there's so much less crime happening, then why's there so many more people being put in prison? Just an idle thought...

Drug laws.

Population. We've increased our population by ~100 million or +50% since 1970.

So, while there may be numerically more criminals in jail today, there are also numerically more citizens unaffected by crime.

if there's so much less crime happening, then why's there so many more people being put in prison?

More people in prison, less crime follows?

Duh?

More people in prison, less crime follows?

Duh?But if we're putting in MORE people every year than the previous year, then that implies that more crime is happening every year. And, people do get out of jail, ya know - sometimes in less than 2 hours...

Duh?

Also, yes, population is increasing, but not at the rate that the prison population is increasing.

But yeah, Rover is right, it's drug laws. Thus, you cant really draw any conclusion about how much less/more violent crime is occuring by using prison population numbers when much of the prison population is in jail for marijuana related incidents.