Look out, here we come!

http://news.pacificnews.org/news/view_article.html?article_id=5569e0391bcd461532ca1 a8e41072581#


If Iraq Can Get Its Country Back, Why Can't American Indians?
Commentary, David Pego,
Native American Village, Jan 22, 2005

Forgive me for daydreaming aloud. But hey, could this Iraq thing be the best thing that ever happened to American Indians?

Imagine how surprised I was when I heard that the United States and Coalition forces had held a small, private meeting and handed over a document giving Iraq back its status as a semi unfettered sovereign nation early Monday morning.

Now that there is a precedent, I figure that this may be the best time ever to ask the United States to give us American Indians our land back. I figure if they turned over an entire country back to a hodgepodge band of tribal peoples over there, maybe they’ll do it over here.

Take ’em all, Tony

Of course, in Iraq, the former occupiers are still there. But some day, they’ve got to leave. And once we have our land handed back to us, eventually these occupiers will need leave, too. And, I have just the place for them.

I saw President Bush shaking hands with his British buddy Tony Blair as they received word during a NATO meeting that Iraq was once again in control of its own land. Maybe Bush could ask Tony to ask Parliament to make some land available when everyone who isn’t an American Indian starts leaving. After all, a lot came from over there. And Blair would do that, wouldn’t he?

More border control

The new honchos in Iraq immediately hinted they would start stepping up control of their own borders. That’s a great idea and something we Indian folk should do immediately if we get our land back. After all, if we had had mandatory covered wagon checks way back when and looked harder for weapons of mass buffalo destruction, I think things might have been a bit better these days.

I know the court system will be busy for years after the turnover. That’s bound to happen. All the wannabe Indians are gonna get their crystals, snare drums and pink feathers up in a snit. And what do we do about the Cleveland Indians? Should they stay? I guess not. They rarely have winning seasons anyway.

And what would happen to my daughter? She’s only half-Indian, but a tribal member nonetheless. Would she and other mixed bloods have to spend half the year only halfway to Britain? Maybe in Bermuda? I know if I asked her, she’d quickly say yes, that would be no problem.

If we were given back our country, I figure things would run a lot smoother once most of the folks left. After all, there aren’t that many American Indian lawyers, are there? And Indian politicians? How much trouble can Ben Nighthorse Campbell get into by himself? Plus, right off the top of my head, I can’t even name one single American Indian telemarketer.

I know the U.S. Senate has been pondering a resolution to apologize to us Indians for taking our land, killing us and generally breaking more promises than … well… breaking more promises than those same Senators probably made during their election campaigns. Maybe if they just decided to give it all back, they could avoid needing to do that.

I hope you’re not taking this too seriously, by the way. I sometimes write satire and don’t want to be misunderstood. My lovely new wife is of English origin and I don’t want to lose her just yet – or ever. But it is fun to think about what could happen if…

And in fact, I told her all of this that I just told you.
She said, “Oh, David! Let’s talk after you wake up!”

It was a nice dream while it lasted. Guess that ends my chance of ever being Lord Mayor of Wichita, Kansas.



Anyone have room? I'd like to get my space while the gettin's good. :D

Hahaha. Dibs on setting up Casino's on "white man" reservations. 8(

Dibs on tribal rights to fishing/hunting!!!

If history has taught us anything, the Bureau of Pasty Affairs is going to fuck us over. Hard. Repeatedly. If anyone needs me, I'll be in Canada.

Pffft! I'm of Maltese decent pal! I want restitution from the British, the French, The Turks, The Italians, The Sicilians, The Romans, The Greeks, The Phenicians (sp), and everyone else that was around over 6 thousand years ago (yes, Malta has the oldest standing man made structures in the world. Sorry Halo, they even pre date Stone Henge by about a thousand years).

If this whiny ass piece of shit can print stuff like this then dammit, where's ma fucking money! Pay up Bitches! :devil

(didn't read the article, just commenting)

I want the quarterly per capita check from Casino profits (something like 2-4k every 3 months), free health care, education, and subsidised housing from the government. I want to not have to pay federal taxes, have my own branch of government complete with a chief, vice chief, police, fire, and hospital......oh wait......the Cherokee's in NC already have this.

I wonder how many people out there know how well off some tribes have it? I grew up in Cherokee NC. Supposedly I'm mostly Cherokee Indian (my grandmother being full blooded and receiving all of these benefits above until her death). My immediate family has never claimed our right to the above perks b/c we wanted to do things the hard way. I know not all tribes have it like the Cherokees do, but some people just don't realize how much they have it made :\

My 2nd cousin used to be chief, she was the first female chief ever for the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians. Cherokees have their own tribal court system, tribal government system, tribal IBA (Indian Buerau of Affairs), tribal police, tribal you name it. If I claimed my heritage I could go to the Qualla Housing Authority and apply for a special subsidised loan and have my brandnew 3 bedroom 2 bathroom home built on a plot of reservation land and only pay a couple hundred dollars a month. I could also own a nice touristy attraction and lease it some white man for a few thousand a month, I wouldn't have to pay Federal Taxes (on anything), but I couldn't get beer on the reservation. Instead I have to ride to Bryson or Sylva to buy my booz, go home and drink myself silly I would have no reason to become anything or get a real job b/c everything is given to me. I would sit around and wait for my percap check, when it came I would go pay cash for a shitbeater, pay all of my bills 3 months in advance, with whatever is left go buy the newest most expensive pair of nikes, and drive back and forth to Bryson daily for my beer run.

Ok, maybe some slight exagerations but not all of them are. People living on the reservation are perfectly happy with this lifestyle. Harrah's Casino has completely changed Cherokee NC. No longer is it just Electronic gaming, they have tables, dealers, etc. just no booze. The area is undergoing rapid growth and the mountains are changing.....except the whiteman towns lol.

And, now that the tribe has more $$$ than it can wipe its' ass with when they shit, they are buying up everything surrounding the reservation by claiming them historic sites or burial grounds. The tribal police's jurisdiction used to end at the Reservation line, now they can patrol these other "historic" sites as they are now considered part of reservation land. I suspect in a few years, maybe longer the tribe will own most of Swain County, they are already buying people's houses closest to the reservation line. Ironic......they are retaking their land. I just wish they would hurry up and buy my mom's house :D

>> I would go pay cash for a shitbeater <<

I'm not familiar with this particular term... please explain.

And by the way... I'm Cherokee and Chickasaw, great-grandmother and great-grandfather both were full blood Native American. However, they never bothered to register and get on the rolls. In any event, a lot of what you described goes on here in the Indian Territory (Oklahoma).

We always did things the hard way as well... we got out and worked for what we wanted, but that's an entirely different argument. <chuckle>

In my county there are about 20 used car dealerships. They cater exclusively to the Cherokee Indians. We have two new car dealerships, Ford and Chevy. Both are located in Bryson City. They are tiny in comparison to the used car dealerhsips, which look like junkyards.

A shitbeater is a used car, that will pass NC inspection but only last for a few months until it breaks down. They can be bought for under $500. It's like a disposable car, I have a brother who goes through shitbeaters like I do shoes.

I would also like to state that I am well aware that some tribes in the west and midwest have it rough. The Cherokee's had a very smart chief, Chief Taylor in the late 80s and early 90s...he made them rich.

I don't know all the details of Native American life in this day and age. I see the NA's driving Hummers...

The white man is giving back much of the land in a manor. We just gotta play bingo, the slots, and table games. Today, many tribes are simply rolling in money and buying anything their heart's desire.

Just a thought, had society been different during the expansion of the United States, it may have been called genocide.

"Treaties" that sold NA land for a herd of cattle, negotiated by people that had no idea what they were signing.

How exactly to you pay someone back for that and will it ever be enough?

We paid the Japanese Americans for imprisoning them during WWII...

Well I'm currently in a small Surrey residence, but I can put up some of you.
There's a space under the bed for a few, but it becomes quite uncomfortable when me and my lady friend are bumping uglies.

'(yes, Malta has the oldest standing man made structures in the world. Sorry Halo, they even pre date Stone Henge by about a thousand years).'

- Don't apologize, citizen of an isle we owned for the better part of 200 years. Oh, oh, oohhaww!

There's a space under the bed for a few, but it becomes quite uncomfortable when me and my lady friend are bumping uglies.


Why? Are you or her so fat that your bed scrapes the ground under your weight? This would surely explain your obsession with calling Americans fat. Pot calling the kettle black I say. :D

I'm curious how he knows that it's uncomfortable under there when he's erstwhile occupied with his compainion.

His lady friend is only one of those new Japanese lap pillows.

I too have a smattering of native heritage. Chickasaw and Apache.

Living out west i've seen the both scenarios in thier fullest. the Tulalip nation is now thriving due to the casino's and allowing a very desirable portion of thier land be developed with long term leases(hellooo Wal-Mart).
A couple of friends of mine who are full blooded Yurok's left Cali and moved here to leave behind what would have been a future of bleak poverty and alcoholism that plauge's thier nation.
I'm personally elated to see tribes taking advantage of the treaties and finally pulling thier people out of what's been a long downward spiral of misery and poverty. I'm also very saddened to see some using this new found prosperity as an excuse to languish in an alcoholic stupor.


P.S. Some historians point to the Chickasaw nation as one of the prime factors in france deciding to go ahead with the Louisiana purchase.
Seems the little twits got tired of having thier asses handed to them by a bunch of uncouth heathens. :D

Jesus, I walked in to that one!

We took the land from the Indians, If they want it back, try.

I am 1/8th Cherokee and most of my family are multi raced,doesnt look like it mattered to my French ancestors who was screwing whom.
Pure breed humans, got papers ass hole ?