I wrote this for fun with a friend of mine on a trip down to florida. It follows the same type of humour as Family Guy and I'm thinking about trying to make it into a real cartoon. It's not complete but I wanted to post it here to see if people would find it hilarious or not =P



&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Cartoon Script

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Characters: Marth
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Opens at a local bank. John is in line. In front of him is a man in black with a black ski mask. The masked man is holding a bag in one hand and a pistol in the other.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Masked man: "Can you beleive these lines?"
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: " I know, its ridiculous. They need to develop some sort of automated teller or something."
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Masked man: " Thats a great idea you know i had this friend who was a teller he told me-"
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Bank teller: " I can help the next person in line."
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The masked man pulls down his mask and cocks the gun.
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Masked man: "Everybody down!"
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Everyone gets down except John.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Masked man: " Get on the ground."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Theres a moment of silence.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Hmmm...yeah alright.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John begins to get down onto his knees...ridiculously slow. The masked man stares and John, shifting his eyes back and forth. As John gets to his knees, the man shoots him in the head and John falls to the ground.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The scene changes to Marth sitting on a couch. The camera zooms out and John is sitting right next to him with a bandaid on his head.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "And that's how it went down, but I'm okay now"
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth shifts his eyes back and forth.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "...that never happened to you. You've been here the whole day..."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John removes the bandaid from his head.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John, in a mocking voice: "That never happened to you...what the shit Marth."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Shut up, go get me a drink"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "I'm not your puppet"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "You either get me a drink, or I'm telling Eric what you did"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The scene flashes to another room where John and Erics sister are standing. John slowly reaches out and touches her breast. It flashes back to Marth and John. Eric was standing behind John the whole time.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Don't you even...I'm going"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John gets up, turns around, and gasps. Eric squints his eyes at John. John slowly reaches out and touches his breast. Eric just shoots John in the face and he falls to the ground. The scene flashes to the kitchen where John and Marth are sitting, John has an ice pack on his forhead.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "I can't even belive he did that. I mean, what the hell?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth , uncomfortable: "Yeah...but i mean he shot you in the face right?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Yeah..why?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Your not ony alive, but you didnt even bleed. I mean its like your not even human."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp There are a few seconds of silence then John leaps up into the air with a terrible shriek. There is a breaking glass sound.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth continues to sit at the table. Curtis walks in and sits with him.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: "Whats up?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: " Nothing, John just left."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: "Why? wheres he going?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Who knows."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: "So I got that job down at the mall."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: " Nice. So are you going to hook me up woth some free stuff?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: " Yeah, sure."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: " So did you hear about Eric's dad?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: " yeah I heard he flipped out, what happened?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes to erics dad sitting at a computer.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Computer: "Virus detected."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric walks by reading a book. Eric's dad picks up the monitor and throws it at eric smashing into his back throwing him off the screen.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes back to Marth and Curtis in the kitchen.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Yeah it was wierd."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John walks into the room, there is blood around his mouth.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "What did you do now?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes to a small child skateboarding down the street. John swoops down and knocks him off his skateboard. John hovers over him and opens his mouth revealing hideous fangs.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene quickly changes back to the kitchen.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth, shocked: "You ate a kid?!"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Nooo, let me finish."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes back. John is hovering above the child. The child is turned away, cringing in fear. John slowly reaches out and touches his breast.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes back to the kitchen. The three friends are silent. Curtis and Marth are staring at John. Eric walks in and stands silently for a second. Then glances around the room. He quickly pulls out a gun and shoots John in the head, who immediatly falls to the ground. Marth and Curtis nod at Eric, who walks away. John then stands up.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "You know...it doesn't give me a pleasurable feeling when I get shot. I'm getting sick of it. We're going to settle this once and for all in a duel to the death."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John goes into the living room where Eric is sitting watching t.v.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Alright buddy, lets go. I'm tired of you shooting me. We must battle"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric jumps up and slaps John across the face. John grabs his face and looks like he's going to cry. Eric sits back down and John walks back into the kitchen.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: "So...how'd it go?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Haha, oh man. I beat him like it was my job."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric is standing behind John, listening to what he's saying. He has his gun drawn and he looks angry. Then the four hear "Virus Detected" and a computer monitor comes flying through the window, hitting Eric in the head. Eric falls to the ground, his head is bleeding. Everyone is silent. John shifts his eyes back and forth and slowly bends down to lick Erics wounded head.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes to Curtis at work in a clothing store. Marth walks in.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Hey man, I need some shorts. Hook me up."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: " I wish I could but the boss is here. He's a beast. I'll do it tomorrow."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Okay, i dont want to get you in trouble. I'll see you tonight. Later."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth walks away and Curtis turns around. There is a large, hairy monster dressed in black dress pants and a white dress shirt.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Beast: "What was that Curtis?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Curtis: " Nothing sir."
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Beast: " Very good. Your an excellent addition to the GAP curtis. It's a pleasure to have you around."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Beast walks away and the scene changes to Marth, John and Eric watching TV on the couch. Angle changes to the TV, showing one of the commercials on the TV. It's a 7up commercial. The spokesman is standing outside of a church.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Spokesman: " Im here at this church to try and convince more people to drink this delicious soft drink.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp A priest is walking by and the spokesman stops him.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Spokesman: "Excuse me, Father. If you had a choice of Holy water or 7up which would you choose?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Father: " What are you doing? This is the house of god. Leave here with these cameras at once."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Spokesman: "Please, just choose."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The spokesman points to two bowls with labels underneath. One reads 7up the other reads Holy water.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Father: "Obviously the Holy water."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The father dips his fingers into the bowl and wipes it across his forhead and begins a prayer. Suddenly his skin begins to bubble. He starts to scream horribly. The spokesman peels the label off that reads holy water, revealing another label that reads Acid and has a skull next to it.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Spokesman: "I guess that was the wrong choice. Drink 7up!"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes back to the three freinds on the couch.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "What? That doesn't make me want to drink 7up. How do they come up with these commercials?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene flashes to a board meeting with people gathered around a table. There're 4 men in suits and the devil.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Board Member: "I think we should go with Satans idea"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The rest of the board members nod their heads and say "Mmm hmm." Satan rubs his hands together saying "Excellent, excellent."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene flashes back to the three sitting on the couch. Marth begins to crack his knuckles. After the first crack is made, a look of sheer horror comes across Johns face. He shrieks and falls to the floor, clutching his head. Everyone looks down at him and they are completely silent. Marth cracks one more finger and a weird looking bug crawls out of Johns ear. Eric shoots it.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Oh my god! What was that?!"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John stands up, rubbing the back of his head.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Ugh...where am I? What's happening? Why does my head hurt?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric and Marth look at each other then back at John.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Do you guys want to see a movie tonight?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Sure. What movie?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: " Hmm..how about that new Steven Segaul movie?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Whats it about again?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Theres the commercial!"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth points to the Tv. The angle changes and focuses on the Tv screen. The screen is black and a low voice begins to talk.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Low voice: " He's back, and he's not taking crap from anyone."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Steven Segaul's head appears.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Low voice: "He'll kll you whether your good or bad. Whatch out, he could be coming for you."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Zooms out from Segaul's head shows him sitting in a restaurant. A waiter walks up to him.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Waiter: " Can I get you anything else sir?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul pulls the man down by his tie, slamming his head on the table then leans in and begins to speak.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Seagaul: "What did you just say to me punk?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Waiter: " I was just doing my job man!"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul's eyes narrow and he speaks.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul: "Big mistake."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul folds the man in half in there is a cracking sound. He drops the man to the ground and stands up. Everyone is staring at him. Another man walks over to Segaul.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Boss: " Hello sir. I'm the restaurant's owner."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The owner extends his hand as if to shake hands. Camera zooms in on segaul's face. His eyes narrow as he speaks.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul: "Big mistake."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul reaches out and grabs the mans arm. He twists it and it breaks. The owner screams and Segaul snaps the man's neck. The scene changes back to the friends on the couch.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: " That movie looks retarded. Besides I saw Steven Segaul get into a bar fight once. He's not as good as the movies make him seem."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Scene changes to segaul standing in a bar. There are 5 men surrounding him.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul: " Are you sure you want to do this?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Man: "We're gona beat your ass segaul."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp The camera zooms in on Segaul's face.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Segaul: " Big mistake."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Sudenlly one of the men hits Segaul in the neck with a pool stick. Segaul falls to the ground and the 5 men stand around him. They are staring at him silently. Everyone is still. The scene changes back to the friends on the couch.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Eric do you want to see it?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Eric nods.

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Then we're going."

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Hey, you didn't ask me if I wanted to see it"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "John do you want to see the movie?"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp John: "Well, not real--"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Marth: "Ok lets go"

If you thought it sucked, then say so. If you liked it, then say so. This way I can decide if it's worth doing =)

Maylen Bojangles

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp

I laughed, and i never laugh :(

You have a twisted mind.
I feel you will go places.

I strongly approve

a definite lack of brown sugar poptarts, but other than that...quite funny.

The last Segaul scene is the best part.

We need a camera =/

i'm posting because maylen was bugging me to death

it was funny, the kinda funny i get from family guy, and i liked reading it

hmmm it started out really well and then it just.. didn't go anywhere. found it quite funny though :)

Someone's been watching a lot of Family Guy...

It was very Family Guy-ish. A bit too much so if you ask me. That was the funniest part of the show, the sudden seen changes to show what had happend, with the completely un-expected happening.

But who knows... I guess its original enough that it might make it. Some of the parts did sound pretty funny. The problem with making one show that is too much like another is that people expect the original and if you can't deliver funny regularly without it getting old or repetative, people will lose interest really fast.

There's a lot of little things in it that could be critiqued, but hell, what right do any of us have to critique it when we have nothing that we've done that is better.

It wouldn't exactly span to a family guy episode ... the rule goes about 1 page per minute, so it'd be a 3 - 4 minute short.

I'll talk to you more in game Maylen, I think I can get an animator and access to a sound studio at my school if you can work out the writing a bit, and we'll see where to go from there.

the Steven Segaul part was great, other parts of it were so-so, but I laughed a lot.

the steven segal bit was taken from mad tv :) . Well not his getting beat up, but the walking around saying big mistake and killing people randomly

I'm not really a big fan of Mad Tv...in fact I've never seen it. However, I'd imagine that it's been done PLENTY more times than on just Mad Tv.



Maylen Bojangles