This is a direct copy from a post Jesterakatimx posted on our MoH boards, I got a good laugh hope you do too.

This is not rue, but you can hear the ring of truth in it.

how ladies differ from guys,,,,,

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep I don't know what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

Today the servers were down all fooken day, but at least I got laid.

ROFL :rollin

hehehe....

Hahahaha.

//Kiv

Too funny! LOL

I think I just wet myself.

Here's another one that's been sitting in my email for quite awhile. 8/

The Differences Between Men and Women
--------------------------------------

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was ... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a stinking garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a worthless warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... .

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh God, I feel so ... so ..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, specially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

http://www.cecs.uci.edu/~sumitg/collections/images/EngineersView.jpg

Somehow I feel odd..having been in that situation(zehns first one), and going through elaine's exact pattern...

Something is wrong with me ;( Oh Nos

You're such a woman.

Zehn, was that story perhaps by PJ O'Rourke? That sounds very much like his acerbic wit...*shrugs*

I could be wrong.

--Cen

those were fun! more more more!!

Not sure. I get shit like this sent to me all the time.

I give away my email address so my friends and very select few fans can contact me. Instead of deep meaningful conversations, I end up getting inundated with jokes and porn.

Not that I mind.

Tha story was by Dave Barry

www.davebarry.com (http://www.davebarry.com)

I thought this was pretty good



>Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
>2) Drink a cup of coffee.
>3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained
>vehicle.
>Money spent:
>
>Oil Change $20.00
>
>Coffee $1.00
>
>Total $21.00
>
>Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check
for $50.00.
>
>2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20.00, drive home.
>3) Open a beer and drink it.
>4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up.
>7) Place drain pan under engine.
>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms
in process. Cuss.
>11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
>12) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>13) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>14) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.
>15) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can
to avoid environmental penalties.
>16)Drink a beer.
>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
>change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
>18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
>21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
>gasket surface.
>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard
along with drain plug.
>27) Drink beer.
>28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
lawnmower
gas.
>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
>kitty litter on oil spill.
>30) Drink beer.
>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
>33) Begin cussing fit.
>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) the left boob.
>36) Beer.
>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
>38) Beer.
>39) Beer.
>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>41) Beer.
>42) Lower car from jack stands.
>43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
>45) Beer.
>46) Test drive car.
>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>48) Car gets impounded.
>49) Call loving wife, make bail.
>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>Money spent:
>Parts $50.00
>DUI $2500.00
>Impound fee $75.00
>Bail $1500.00
>Beer $40.00
>Total $4165.00

LOL those were so funny.. :D