Rover
02-04-2007, 10:19 AM
St. Peter decided that he was feeling gregarious one day, so he announced to the line of people waiting at the pearly gates that whoever had the worst death story that day, would get in scott-free.
So, he says to the first guy in line, "what's your story". He grimaced, and started:
Ok, so I suspected my wife was cheating on me, so one day I decided to try and catch her. Now, I'm a wealthy man, and live on the 20th floor of a Manhattan high-rise luxury complex. When I came home, sure enough, there was my wife naked on the couch. I started screaming 'Where is he?!?! I'll kill him!!!' and I searched the condo until I went outside onto our kitchen balcony, and sure enough, there he was hanging onto the edge trying to hide from. So, I started jumping up and down on his hands screaming at him to die. He begged and pleaded, but finally let go and fell 19 stories, where he incredibly hit the cloth awning over our entryway and landed in some bushes. He was fine! I couldn't believe it!! So, I grabbed the heaviest thing in reach - my refriderator! and, using pure adrenaline, I tore it from its lines and heaved it over the railing. It landed right on the chump and squished him flat. It was beautiful!
But uh... at that moment, when the adrenaline wore off, my heart gave out and here I am" he said sadly.
"Not bad" said St. Peter, pretty bad way to go. He goes to the next guy in line and asks "so what's your story?"
"Ok, well, I am a wealthy man, and I live on the 21st floor of a high-rise luxury complex in Manhattan. One day, while using my balcony's telescope, my dog came rushing out, jumped up, and knocked me over the edge! Well, luckily I'm a pretty athletic guy and managed to grap a hold of the balcony railing one floor down from me. I'm hanging there, screaming for help, when this red-faced, screaming, angry man starts jumping up and down on my hands screaming at me to die! I begged him to stop, but eventually couldn't take it, and let go. I feel 19 stories where by some miracle, I bounced off of the awning above our entryway and into some bushes! I was totally fine, thanking my lucky stars, when I look up and see this refriderator falling at me!!! It was too late though, and it squished me flat."
"Wow" said St. Peter "that's also a really bad way to go", then points at the next guy in line. "So, what's your story?"
"Ok, picture this - I'm naked, and in a refridgerator..."
So, he says to the first guy in line, "what's your story". He grimaced, and started:
Ok, so I suspected my wife was cheating on me, so one day I decided to try and catch her. Now, I'm a wealthy man, and live on the 20th floor of a Manhattan high-rise luxury complex. When I came home, sure enough, there was my wife naked on the couch. I started screaming 'Where is he?!?! I'll kill him!!!' and I searched the condo until I went outside onto our kitchen balcony, and sure enough, there he was hanging onto the edge trying to hide from. So, I started jumping up and down on his hands screaming at him to die. He begged and pleaded, but finally let go and fell 19 stories, where he incredibly hit the cloth awning over our entryway and landed in some bushes. He was fine! I couldn't believe it!! So, I grabbed the heaviest thing in reach - my refriderator! and, using pure adrenaline, I tore it from its lines and heaved it over the railing. It landed right on the chump and squished him flat. It was beautiful!
But uh... at that moment, when the adrenaline wore off, my heart gave out and here I am" he said sadly.
"Not bad" said St. Peter, pretty bad way to go. He goes to the next guy in line and asks "so what's your story?"
"Ok, well, I am a wealthy man, and I live on the 21st floor of a high-rise luxury complex in Manhattan. One day, while using my balcony's telescope, my dog came rushing out, jumped up, and knocked me over the edge! Well, luckily I'm a pretty athletic guy and managed to grap a hold of the balcony railing one floor down from me. I'm hanging there, screaming for help, when this red-faced, screaming, angry man starts jumping up and down on my hands screaming at me to die! I begged him to stop, but eventually couldn't take it, and let go. I feel 19 stories where by some miracle, I bounced off of the awning above our entryway and into some bushes! I was totally fine, thanking my lucky stars, when I look up and see this refriderator falling at me!!! It was too late though, and it squished me flat."
"Wow" said St. Peter "that's also a really bad way to go", then points at the next guy in line. "So, what's your story?"
"Ok, picture this - I'm naked, and in a refridgerator..."