This was sent to me today and I thought it might be something that could start a little heat. If not oh well, I still laughed.

Anyway here goes:

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR OUR NEXT PRESIDENT GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

And I wouldn't care what party he represented.

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains! the names of countries that have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. By the way Palestinians, we are no longer going to restrain Israel!

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades.

We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now. We are sick and tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Go to Hell. God Bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!

I have a better punishment for Germany and France. Withdraw all American "Aid" and tell the world that we gave it all to Germany and France they will now be the caring hand of the world. Within 5 yrs they will be the most hated countries in the world.

If you have kids you will understand this logic.

Beelziod

Oh look, the big bad Yanks are crying again.
"Boo hoo, our monopolizing of everything around the world so we can sell our goods to bigger foreign markets and guarantee the securing of our national interests is making people hate us! Oohh, this is so unfair, ohh it sucks! Oh you suck too!"

Quit your fucking whining. For fuck's sake.

Isolationism? Oh that's done you well in the past, hasn't it? "Fuck off you spaniards, with your dirty sugar prices! Fuck you Europeans with your wars, we'll have to come and make *sure* you survive to buy our fridges! Fucking unrestricted submarine warfare, you're sinking our cargo vessels! Damn japs and your suicide bombing!" Isolationism? I have news for you, you fucking cretins, if you are the world's most powerful nation - and act like it - take the fucking shit on the chin.

Jesus, I just can't wait to take a Chiracian perspective on things and hail the coming of another bipolar world when we will at least have the Chinese to bow down to, who hopefully won't cry and slag everyone off the moment they invade Taiwan and realise that - GUESS WHAT - not everyone "digs it".

Yes, you are a superpower. Yes, you do monopolize everything. Correct, you make up bullshit excuses to fight nations in order to look after national interests. Yes, the world is most likely not going to fool for it with a brush off the likes of "liberation".

Oh forget it. Keep on crying when we call your bluff.
And, for your information, the EU has over 100, 000 troops stationed on peacekeeping missions throughout the world. For a continent that had its guts ripped out, reshaped, and kicked to the back of the power-ladder, I'd say we're doing pretty well on the international front.

'This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.'

- Don't forget the Marshall Islands and Afghanistan in the "brilliant Coalition of the Willing", as Akipt and Crist0 are so apt to calling it. And incase you'd have forgotten, Spain jumped ship a while ago.

Wow, I *do* feel better.

Halo, I just want to point out a small change you need to make your post. The term "kamikaze" does not mean suicidal, though in the wars they were deployed in thats often what it ended up looking like. Kamikaze means warrior of the wind (if I remember right) and they basically knew that they most likely were not coming back. They did not go in intending to die.

Ok, back to your regular, scheduled fun.

And, for your information, the EU has over 100, 000 troops stationed on peacekeeping missions throughout the world. For a continent that had its guts ripped out, reshaped, and kicked to the back of the power-ladder, I'd say we're doing pretty well on the international front.

You can thank the United States that there is even an EU, if it wasn't for us it would all be called Germany.

Funny -- loved the read.

'You can thank the United States that there is even an EU, if it wasn't for us it would all be called Germany.'

- Holy cripes, I didn't really think anyone was still that ignorant of the facts to believe that trife. Actually, I think I'd rather thank the Russians, they have far less arrogance. Or hell, I'll thank my own people, who stood all alone, successfully, for a year, and made sure the threat was contained in Europe, and only on the land.

I'll tell you what. I'll start thanking the US for their entry in to WW2, when you start thanking the French for your independence.

Eh?

The replies are much more entertaining then the original post. The 'thank the US of A for europe still exisiting' argument is pretty moronic.

But yeah, the original artical. Meh? Just a nice rant from someone that was hopefully writing that for therapy, rather than basing it in anything resembly reality.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

That needs to be changed to:

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth... for a while. Then we'll go attack an unrelated country and lose focus on you.

So much bullshit, so little time. :p

Damn Halo, been holding that in awhile? The original post was worth no more than a roll of the eyes, not an inane verbal attack upon the U.S. collective. Don't be such a wanker (or be more of a wanker, if it'll help ease the pressure).

lol @ Thor

Guess it wasn't NAG worthy ya'll moved it :(

Thank you to Halo for living up to my expectations though! A+

I didn't move it, but this is the RL NAG forum, so appropriate to the thread. The other NAG forum is primarily for EQ related stuff.

'Thank you to Halo for living up to my expectations though! A+'

- Ok mate, don't cum on my tits.

Halo's post was quite similiar to the original. Except his actually made a bit of sense, and had a much less annoying font.