I know i want this question asked, to see a few opinions. But i'm not exactly sure how, so i'm just going to rant, i apoligize if it jumps around, or if it doesn't make much sense, i'll come back and fix it after work tomarrow if something doesn't make sense.

To what sort of an extent should one hold a grudge?

Is there any sort of REAL respect between friends.




This question is very dear and personal to me, and normally i wouldn't slam my private life onto any sort of a public forum, but i've been getting alot of flak from my close friends (And my girlfriend) about how i hold a grudge.

Heres the part where i tell you the circumstances as to why i hold this perticular grudge, however it would take days just to write every last little bit, so i'll just give the basics (Which really do not give an accurate idea of WHY i feel this way)

I'll give the main reason, mind you there are 6 months of things after this that all add up to this. mind you tho i found out about this 6 months after it happened, being lied to about it is another main factor, i am very straight forward, and very honost (Which i find to be more of a charicter flaw then a strength mind you)

I'll be quick about it.

I basically had two very very close male friends, Matt, and Jon. A while back my girlfriend and i were having a few troubles in our relationship, so we decided to take a break. We both had our things, and when we got backtogeather, we told eachother and delt with it. She neglected to tell me one. 5 months after we get back togeather i asked her to marry me infront of jon and his fiance, we were all very happy. about a week later i made her swear on our enguagement that there was nothing left she had to tell me about our time apart (mind you durring that 5 months.. more and more things kept.. popping into her mind she had to tell me, or should i say, things i learned that i forced out of her) it was at this point she told me that her and jon were fucking like bunnies.

Needless to say i was angry, and well, since then i've acted a bit strange and diffrently than i do. (Refusing to go certen places etc) And yes, i know i'm overreacting, but at the time she told me i already had a fragle mind. just a week before she had told me about how 2 weeks after we got backtogeather she went off and fucked another one of my friends! so i was still in a fragile state of mind from her cheating on me.

I know this seems like a pretty petty dramatic thing, but it brings to mind two real good debate questions.

Where does respect end in a really close friendship? (IE, am i the only one that believes it's wrong to fuck your best friends ex? and by best friend i don't mean someone you know very well, i mean the person you would trust blindly with your life.)

**Edit** I had asked two questions eariler, but decided against giving reasons and examples for the grudge question. But if anyone wants to give it a shot go ahed :-p

Anywho, sorry for wasting some peoples time, but i am really curious if i am the only person who feels that thats wrong.

Also, i've heard the "it was fair game response" Thats not what i'm looking for, i understand this, it's a respect issue, not a fair game issue.

"You can't make a housewife out of a whore" --Dad

Normally...I'd want to answer your question in as offensive a manner as possible, because I'm an asshole.

But what the fuck - she fucked your friend, you decided to air your dirty laundry on a gaming messageboard. They're both pretty terrible really. Seek some help and maybe consider asking if Jon's fiancee will be your fuck buddy for 5months to compensate for lost time. It's only fair.

I know i want this question asked, to see a few opinions. But i'm not exactly sure how, so i'm just going to rant, i apoligize if it jumps around, or if it doesn't make much sense, i'll come back and fix it after work tomarrow if something doesn't make sense.

To what sort of an extent should one hold a grudge?

Is there any sort of REAL respect between friends.




This question is very dear and personal to me, and normally i wouldn't slam my private life onto any sort of a public forum, but i've been getting alot of flak from my close friends (And my girlfriend) about how i hold a grudge.

Heres the part where i tell you the circumstances as to why i hold this perticular grudge, however it would take days just to write every last little bit, so i'll just give the basics (Which really do not give an accurate idea of WHY i feel this way)

I'll give the main reason, mind you there are 6 months of things after this that all add up to this. mind you tho i found out about this 6 months after it happened, being lied to about it is another main factor, i am very straight forward, and very honost (Which i find to be more of a charicter flaw then a strength mind you)

I'll be quick about it.

I basically had two very very close male friends, Matt, and Jon. A while back my girlfriend and i were having a few troubles in our relationship, so we decided to take a break. We both had our things, and when we got backtogeather, we told eachother and delt with it. She neglected to tell me one. 5 months after we get back togeather i asked her to marry me infront of jon and his fiance, we were all very happy. about a week later i made her swear on our enguagement that there was nothing left she had to tell me about our time apart (mind you durring that 5 months.. more and more things kept.. popping into her mind she had to tell me, or should i say, things i learned that i forced out of her) it was at this point she told me that her and jon were fucking like bunnies.

Needless to say i was angry, and well, since then i've acted a bit strange and diffrently than i do. (Refusing to go certen places etc) And yes, i know i'm overreacting, but at the time she told me i already had a fragle mind. just a week before she had told me about how 2 weeks after we got backtogeather she went off and fucked another one of my friends! so i was still in a fragile state of mind from her cheating on me.

I know this seems like a pretty petty dramatic thing, but it brings to mind two real good debate questions.

Where does respect end in a really close friendship? (IE, am i the only one that believes it's wrong to fuck your best friends ex? and by best friend i don't mean someone you know very well, i mean the person you would trust blindly with your life.)

**Edit** I had asked two questions eariler, but decided against giving reasons and examples for the grudge question. But if anyone wants to give it a shot go ahed :-p

Anywho, sorry for wasting some peoples time, but i am really curious if i am the only person who feels that thats wrong.

Also, i've heard the "it was fair game response" Thats not what i'm looking for, i understand this, it's a respect issue, not a fair game issue.

Quoted incase you decide this was really stupid and try to delete it.

"my wife told me i was one in a million, i found out it was true!"

Ouch. Well, you are aware you posted this in NAG, right? Some folks might be a rather...um...insensative towards your situation.

Well, here goes. Unless there is real TRUE love between you and this woman, break it off. You both arn't ready to get married, especially if she is so eager to jump into the sack with your friends literally hours after you have a break up. Sounds like neither yourself or your fiance have your heads quite screwed on yet. I can guess the grudge is against your buddy, who went along with the whole lets fuck like rabbits thing with your fiance who was your ex at the time. The guy thought with his dick instead of being a friend.

Friend of mine, James, had the same thing happen to him. He met a girl in college,Anne, and they had their ups and downs but mostly it seemed they were made for each other. They had a breakup or two, and during one of the break ups, she immediately started screwing one of his best friends, named Steve. She drove from Atlanta to Saint Simons ( a long ass drive) every weekend to see this guy and they kept it on the down low until she had feelings renewed for my friend again. Ultimately she confessed the whole thing and James forgave her. They are now happily married after 5 years of playing the dating games, but 3rd party, Steve from Saint Simons, is a name to never be mentioned in front of my buddy to this day. I am sure if James ever saw Steve, the police would have to be called. The grudge will persist indefinately, but this is a case of true love, and he valued the relationship with Anne alot more than the friendship with Steve.

So either way, you have to give time for things to work out.

Best of luck to you.

you're forgiving the wrong person

Dump HER

Trust me, If she cheated once, and lied, and lied, and lied. She's going to do it again.

Give your buddy a good 'head or gut' and move on with your lives.

i swear i saw this on jerry springer...

"You can't make a housewife out of a whore" --Dad

Truer words have never been spoken...

If you keep holding it against her, you may as well dump her. It will come up every argument anyways, might as well save yourself some time (unless she gives mad head during make up sex, then I would consider stringing her along and boning one of her friends).

Jon is not your friend, he needs to go as well, a real friend would never tap your ex without permission.

5 seconds after the girl is unattached, the pussy is free game. Get over it. Admit you would have been happily humping Jon's ex if she would have dropped and spread em for you. Jon is not the issue. The issue is, are you going to be honest and admit that every man wants to fuck an easy woman but no man wants to marry her?

so we decided to take a break
her cheating on me.
WTF... How exactly is it cheating if you were on a "break"?You were not a couple at the time the fucking took place. Get over it. If you really love this girl this would not be an issue. If it is such an issue how can you expect this person to be your closest friend (which is what a spouse really should be right?) Also if you have known Jon longer you owe it to him to be a true friend and dump the ho anyways for trying to come between the two of you. :)

The way I judge how close a friend someone is to me is rather simple. If you are my close friend I may not help with the killing...but I will definetly help with the hiding the body. :eek:

Rigin

"she had told me about how 2 weeks after we got backtogeather she went off and fucked another one of my friends!"

Reading skills are teh fun.

What I would do is ask myself "WWRRD" or "What would Ross and Racheal do?"

If you don't have trust now, getting married will not help it. Marriage is not easy and you're already having issues, my advice DON'T.

Other than that, dump the bitch and beat the shit out of your "friend", shake hands then go to a bar throw some back a few and pick up a hottie......you'll feel much better and you'll still have your friend but not the cheating wench.

Or go to counseling =\

Well, First,

I am no longer associated with jon.

And as for the cheating thing, read it again. I said she cheated on me after we got back togeather. The Jon thing is a totally diffrent issue.

And I figured from the way the posts are going, the real question i wanted to ask wasn't very clear.

I know it was fair game, that wasn't the issue i was trying to reach, what i was trying to go for was more of the respect aspect of it. i guess what i mean to ask is, am i the only one that thinks it's a huge disrespectful thing to do to your friend?

I mean, if a girl breaks up with a random guy_01, i'd be the first one to say go for it she's free. But, shouldn't the rules be diffrent if the random guy is your best friend?

or do i just have a strange sense of Loyalty and Honour?

And Lummus, your friend and i should sit down and have tea, i think we'd get along!

am i the only one that thinks it's a huge disrespectful thing to do to your friend?

No, it is disrespectful but he is a guy. What do you want? Would you have felt better if he had said "Hey since you and the cum-dumpster are not seeing eachother anymore...mind if I hit it?"

Rigin

Tea? No. Try a pint.

There's nothing that a pint and a power ballad can't cure! Put on a mullet wig and sing this to your lady!



Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me *falsetto with the hand pushing up in the air pose to emphesize the power of the high note*

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! .........

i guess what i mean to ask is, am i the only one that thinks it's a huge disrespectful thing to do to your friend?
I agree with you, a REAL friend would never do that to his "best" friend. If you want some semblence of revenge, make sure his fiance knows he was boning your ex for 5 months while they were together, that oughtta shake some shit up.

i already had a fragle mind.
You were a muppet? :p

In all seriousness, I agree with Fildien. You have to have trust in a relationship, or it just won't work. You should break it off. With her and with your friend. Friends don't bang their friend's girlfriends, wives, exes or potential girlfriends, unless they clear it with you first.
Bros before Hos,man.

Tell her at a family function in front of Jon and parents it will really make it fun.

If you do decide to dump her fuck with her mind first to let her know just exactly how you fealt, fuck around on her and fuck her still, make her pay for all your shit, be really mean one day and extra nice another. Possible try to get one of her friends drunk and makeout with them... ect ect.
There are tons more vindictive things you can do, if you break up might as well go out with a bang, use it to your advantage.
And about fair game on a break sure thats fine if your some douchbag at a club that doesnt know her, but if your the guys best friend thats pretty much saying you dont ever want to speak again.
Good luck in all you do, personally i would steal all her shit and set it on fire, but im a romantic like that.

Just fuck her when ya can. Use her as a good time girl and thats it. if you marry her after she slept with your friend there is somethign wrong with you. Your young move on.



Xregg

Where does respect end in a really close friendship? (IE, am i the only one that believes it's wrong to fuck your best friends ex? and by best friend i don't mean someone you know very well, i mean the person you would trust blindly with your life.)

I don't view monogamy the same way as most people, so ignore what I have to say if you wish, but consider this:

Why does it really matter that your best friend has sex with your ex-(at the time)girlfriend? Why shouldn't he be 'allowed' to?

Well, there really isn't anything wrong with it. What sucked is that Jon decided not to fess up. He should have just come out with it and been honest. Its that whole resepct thing.

I don't view monogamy the same way as most people
You played a bard, who are champions of socially deviant behavior!

You say you are marrying this woman. If you do, the road you are headed down is a rough one. A road where you will question where she is at and what she is doing every time she has a phone call, send an email or pm, or walks out the door. The day you are told you are having a child the first thought will be, who is the father? Do you really want that as your family life? Do you really want to look at the 2 year old you are raising and wonder if it is yours, as you look for clues to see if it might look a bit like that old best buddy of yours?

If love truly conquers all it must be the roof over a foundation built of trust and walls built of the faith in each other to care and nurture the relationship. 1 without the other 2 will not withstand the elements.

dont walk.... run..

and get the ring back

One telling sign that you should not be married to this thing is that you have'nt once said "hey please don't call my future wife a cumdumpster or a whore" but maybe thats just me :cool:


Rigin

Walk away from them both. If your best friend felt it was "ok" for him to fuck your ex he isnt worth your time. Its hard as hell to get truly life long friendships, no need to waste your time on this one as he obviously cant think past his dick.


As for the girl, Grudge fuck her and never call her again. Maybe even play it out over a few months of *I need to think of things a bit* and grudge fuck her several times till she gives up on you. Or do what women have done for years, keep her around while you shop for a new woman if you feel you "must" have someone significant in your life at all times.

Move on, she is the devil. She has an immature mind.

dump her move on ..let go of the grudge it will only harm you not her..get the bitch out ya life and forget ya met her.

Best way to forget old pussy is with new pussy :)



Xregg

To help her understand exactly how you feel right now, you should have sex with Jon and then tell her about it. That'll teach her!

leave her, but then leave a cheesecake on her doorstep every day for a month or two :devil

Kill Her and make it look like Jon did it. Then take Jons fiance away and live on a secluded island for the rest of your lives.

Well it works in the movies :/

But on a serious note; she's a cheating whore, you can't trust her so get rid of her. Tell your buddy to go fuck himself too.

But on a serious note; she's a cheating whore, you can't trust her so get rid of her. Tell your buddy to go fuck himself too.

He speaks the truth.

One more bit on the friend issue, to some people boning exes isn't a big deal, to most it is. If he really was a true friend of yours, he would have already known you felt that it was over the line, or at least asked. He's a thoroughbred asshole.

So yeah, both should be removed from your life.

Pressure her into a threesome with another girl.


Dump her during the threesome.

You mentioned that she was sleeping with Jon when you two *were not together.* She didn't sleep with him when you were together, did she?

She didn't cheat on you - you two weren't together at the time, right?

If I have that correct, then actually you could see that she cares a great deal about you and your relationship because she was clearly too scared to tell you before and values your relationship highly enough to tell you when asked to swear on the engagement.

Also - was Jon engaged to the fiancee at the time he had sex with her? If so, then the wrong is for those two to have slept together, but that has nothing to do with you. What's wrong in that situation is that she shouldn't sleep with another woman's man, and he shouldn't cheat on the fiancee. But since the two of you weren't together, it is not a harm against you.

The other question is why did she sleep with Jon. Possibly she missed you so much that she went for the next best thing. We can't hear her side of the story here, so hard to really make a judgment. Just don't blind yourself because of something that happened when you two were not even together if this is a woman with whom you have a lot in common, and with whom you can really develop a heart-to-heart relationship.

Edit - just noticed you said she had sex with a mutual friend two weeks after you got back together. You shouldn't let that pass with no consequence, if in fact it was really clear that you two were together.

Hope this helps and - good luck with it!

A cheater will always cheat.

flipside being a fool willl always be fooled.

Walk away man, trust me, walk away.

Fandros

Why does it really matter that your best friend has sex with your ex-(at the time)girlfriend? Why shouldn't he be 'allowed' to?
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2+ years. No, we aren't together. Hell, I haven't talked to her in three weeks.

If my 'best friend' had sex with her? Mother fucker is dead. =P

Superficial titles and shit was alright in highschool, but when feelings are at stake I really can't imagine anyone would would be a friend doing that to you.

Fuck him, fuck her. Sluts are plentiful, take advantage of it.

Possibly she missed you so much that she went for the next best thing.
You know, I tried that excuse when I slept with that girl's twin sister.

Seriously, there's no reason to make excuses. People try to hold on to things for FAR too long, out of convenience, complacency, fear, or whatever other reasons drive us to lay down and eat shit when we should keep moving forward.

This thread was more time and effort than the girl deserves. You should never even consider compromising yourself for someone that would blatantly take advantage of you like that. If you can't respect yourself enough to draw the line, you can't expect her to respect you either... or anyone else you meet.

Don't waste any more time trying to plot and scheme some way to "get her back". You'll only end up feeling worse, and it probably won't even put a dent in the spot her conscience used to be. Just send her to this thread to see what a worthless whore everyone thinks she is, and go find someone worth your time.

Err... did you read the thread ruthey? Or even the original post?

She didn't cheat on you - you two weren't together at the time, right?

From page two:
"she had told me about how 2 weeks after we got backtogeather she went off and fucked another one of my friends!"

Reading skills are teh fun.

next...

If I have that correct, then actually you could see that she cares a great deal about you and your relationship because she was clearly too scared to tell you before and values your relationship highly enough to tell you when asked to swear on the engagement.

If she had really cared she wouldn't have been forced to swear on the engagement, rather then 5 MONTHS after they got back together. I have many words for people that have to be [i]forced[i] to tell the truth to their future husband/wife(or even just their partner, period). None of them are pleasant words.

Sorry... but I hate seeing people make excuses for human trash.


*edit* I type slow, and ruthey edited her post after I started.

Tea? No. Try a pint.

There's nothing that a pint and a power ballad can't cure! Put on a mullet wig and sing this to your lady!



Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me *falsetto with the hand pushing up in the air pose to emphesize the power of the high note*

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! .........
God I love that CD.

ummm what CD?

Go to the Grocery store. Buy yourself some Salmon. Go to her place, and stuff some of the raw salmon inside of her curtain rods, they should all be hollow. Leave.

Couple of weeks go by, she will move away. Don't go with her. Problem gone.

:devil

ummm what CD? That be the Darkness.

daaaamn women are vindictive......they should make a reality TV show and show the plots and ploys they scheme up.

In college one of my girlfriends did something to similar to her "friend". While on Christmas break she broke into the girls room and placed a SAMs sized can of tuna in the vent above her bed. It had the RAs and Maint. people stumped for weeks but man oh man did that dorm smell like rotten fish on the 3rd floor. No one could prove who did it either lol...

Oh yes women are vindictive, we should start a thread I've had some dooseys for girlfriends...freaks!


EDIT:
FYI...SAMs size= big huge industrial sized can

And, I have never heard of The Darkness, I am either too old or too young

And, I have never heard of The Darkness, I am either too old or too youngNah, you're just incredibly lucky! This is one of those cases where ignorance is to be preferred.

As for this entire thread.. how can you seriously consider staying with a girl who you know has cheated on you?! Sheesh..

The Darkness is a new band from the UK...but it is a spoof almost of all hair metal bands from the 80s. Think of them as being Spinal Tap and you are pretty much dead on. They are just a one hit wonder having fun. Don't take them seriously. :D

The cd came out at least a year agor, not exactly too new anymore.

I saw them live 6 months ago, they were awsome. Music is far too serious lately, and we need more that like to have fun like that. If ya don't like them, you either just don't like that type of music, or take things too seriously. :p

The Darkness only ending up to be a 'one hit wonder' would be a travestshamockery. I'd pay good money to see them again. And again. And more after that.

'Course, I'm listening to Rust In Peace right now, so I'm in a guitar solo mood anyways.

'Course, I'm listening to Rust In Peace right now, so I'm in a guitar solo mood anyways


I'd Rep+ you if I could, just for listening to Rust in Peace

Nevermind sir Rep++ indeed

since mega deth is one of my favorite bands i'm giving you +rep for it as well!

Finally something worthy of + rep points.

What made you decide to pop the question to someone that you were not certain was lieing/not telling you the truth?

Dump them both. Don't ever think of getting married until you find someone you trust.

Xregg's got it.

Walk away and don't look back.

Life it too short for BS drama.

Life it too short for BS drama.

That's why I dumped EW, haha, Zing!

Trikki...I am going to remember that one. :p

Going back to the beginning, did you dump her yet?