... the wife of an employee I fired last month was kind enough to drop off his cell phone because he had forgotten it at home this morning.

Did you tell her?

*POPS POPCORN*

i got to hear the rest of this.

You can't pay for entertainment that funny.

... the wife of an employee I fired last month was kind enough to drop off his cell phone because he had forgotten it at home this morning.
.. **so honey.. how was your day at work .. ohh it was ok.. the Boss had me doing paprer work from hell.. and that new guy in tech support still hasnt fixed my computer .. wow.. it would of taken John like 30 mins.. I wished he didnt move Yea.. me too. ohh yea did Mr Pembroke tell you that I stopped by with your phone..? .....**
lmao .. yea.. it most likely went something like that :D

Akipt = Lumberg?

So for about 2 minutes I was speechless and unable to muster enough courage to tell her that her husband of 5 years was a lying piece of shit.

Long story made short, for the last 4 months he was filling a garbage bag with our mail, unopened even. As our fullcharge bookkeeper, this was bad news for us. Luckily though, we just ended a very nice Christmas season so funds to recover were readily available...

Remarkably, the owner of my company gave this piece of dung 45 days to find another job. He worked 2 days and stopped showing up after that. I had assumed he found another job and went there instead... now I see that as unlikely...

Anyway, I called her with his cell phone and got her up to date with her husband's sorry ass state of life.. and she left work immediately to come pick it up. And she kept apologizing to me for some reason.

I really do feel sorry for her...

Nice followup on your part. Lots of folks, especially after being burned by a former employee, would have chucked the phone in a drawer and laughed, never doing her the curtesy of a phone call.