Donald Rumsfeld is giving his daily briefing to George Bush. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH, NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.


Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?" :D

John Kerry walks into a bar and the Bartender says to him, "Why the long face?"

Haha! He has a long face, like a horse! I get it! :D

Skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Hey, barkeep! I'll have a beer...and a mop."

Termite walks in to a bar, looks around and says, "Hey, where is the bar tender?"

LOL the title of this post is misleading. I thought it was going to be about this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ghMpHE5qAk0&search=state%20pudding

A guy walks into a bar with a car battery. The bartender says, "Have a seat, but don't start anything..."

Just like puddin', cook n' chill :D

Nah, just some quick jokes I'm sure everyone's either heard or had emailed to them at some point... and it's goin' down hill fast!

Pirate walks in to a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

Barkeep says, “Hey man, you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch.”

To which the pirate replies, “Aye, its drivin me nuts.”

Man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in nothing but cellophane.

The receptionist says, “I can clearly see yer nuts.”

Guy walked into a bar. It hurt.

Three guys walked into a bar. Fourth one ducked.

Why didnt the lifegaurd save the drowning hippy?


cause he was "too far out, man."

Rodney Dangerfield walked into a bar and said "Hey bartender. Last time I tried making love to my wife nothing was happening, so I asked her 'What's the matter, can't think of anyone either?'"

A giraffe, a hippopotomus and a donkey walked into a bar.

Bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

What do you call a piano down a mineshaft?

A-flat miner.

Q. What do you do with an elephant with three balls?


A. Walk him and pitch to the rhino....

Hee Hee Hee, that's a funny 1 Gandaar.

A Rabbi, a Priest and a Muslim Cleric are walking along and they find a big bag of money.
The Priest says,"We should draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and whatever falls into the circle we give to God, and whatever falls outside we keep."
The Muslim Cleric says, "We should draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air and whatever falls outside the circle, we give to Allah, and whatever falls inside , we keep."
The Rabbi, says, "We should draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and whatever God wants, he can keep."

Lol Sixee... I remember that joke from Short Circuit ; )


Q: Whats brown and sticky?




















A: A stick.

Q-Why did the walrus to to a Tupperware party?

A-he wanted to find a tight seal

A cowboy encounters an Indian with a horse, a dog and a sheep.

Cowboy goes, "can I talk to your horse?" Indian goes, "horse no talk."

Cowboy says to the horse, "how's this Indian been treating you?" Horse says, "pretty good, he exercises me, lets me graze, brushes me down, no complaints."

Indian looks incredulous.

Cowboy says, "can I ask your dog a question?" Indian says, "dog no talk."

Cowboy looks at the dog, goes, "Indian treating you well?" Dog says, "why yes, he plays fetch with me, takes me hunting, scratches my ears and feeds me meat scraps."

Indian looks astounded.

Cowboy goes, "can I talk to your sheep?"

Indian says: "Sheep liar."

An eccentric millionaire has a wall in his study that he is not sure what to do with. It has no windows and looks very blank. So he decides we wants a mural painted on it. He hires a famed artist and tells him "I've always been a history buff. What I would like you do to is paint General Custer's last thought."

The artist agrees and the millionaire leaves town on business.

Upon returning the millionaire is appalled at what he sees. All over the wall there are naked Indians in a wide variety of sexual positions. In the center of the wall there is a cow with a halo over its head.

The millionaire turns to the artist and says "What the hell is this? I as for General Custer's last thought!"

To which the artist replies "That’s what this is. I call it 'Holy Cow, Look At All Those F%#$ing Indians."

What's brown and sounds like a bell?







Dung!

posted it before but....

Baby seal walks into a club

"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."


- from a book review by Abraham Lincoln

No doubt!

So, a grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you kinda famous around here. We have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

A middle aged woman who had been widdowed for a year was starting to get lonely and wanted some action. So she went down to the park in hopes of meeting a guy. There was nobody to be seen. So she decided to hang around for a while.

After a bit a middle aged man came to the park, laid down and started reading a book. The woman decided to try her luck.

She made her way over to his area and tried to start up a conversation.

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?", she said.

"Yeah, its nice", he said and kept on reading.

"Umm... do you come here often?" she asked.

"My wife and I used to come here a lot, but its my first time back since she passed away last year" he replied and again went back to his book.

The woman started to run out of topics to try to start on. About that time she noticed a cat walking accross the park.

"Do you like pussycats?" she asked.

At that the man pulled her over to him laid her down and they made passionate love.

When they were done, the woman said, "That was amazing! But... how did you know thats what I wanted?"

And the man said, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Boooo! :D