So last night I basically told this guy I've been friends with to piss off.

He congratulated himself and was really excited that he got accepted to the 2nd phase of some interview process for a job. I said grats and we started talking about jobs and work and programming and all sort of random shit.

He begins bragging about the starting salary of 50k a year for the job (which is in Cali) and I laughed [not because of the amount, but because he clearly doesn't grasp the concept of cost of living in places like that, where 50k doesn't go too far]. He got defensive pretty quick and more or less demanded to know how much money I made. I advised him that friends don't generally ask eachother how much they make, it's rather rude. But I assured him that I make enough to support my many dirty habits (WoW, Dominos, Whisky, among others) as well as have a nice cushion for when I want to buy a house, get married, etc.

That wasn't a good enough answer so he would keep asking. I would keep telling him things attempting to get him to drop it.

He continued to ask for a hard number. Then starts going on about how he can do things the most efficient way possible and he can do it quicker and faster than I can, etc. I tell him that's great, I'm not a programmer, I didn't go to school to be a programmer, thus, I don't care about programming. As he continued to fail at getting a rise out of me by doubting my ability, I invited him to take a tour of the corporate office where I work and ask the people I work with and for what it is I do and the value I bring to the company. I don't have to brag about anything, they're more than willing to do it for me.

He ignored my request and just said "doubt it" and continued on asking me stupid question statements like "I can do a program to find out the best way to travel to each 49 contiguous state capitals in 5 minutes i bet you cant do it as fast as me?"

I again explained I don't care about him bringing up random homework assignments he got in his programming class last semester. Experience in the field is what counts.

The he starts going off on a random limb saying he's going to program AI for missles for the government and all this other stuff, which very well could be true, it doesn't really matter. Then he starts attempting to insult me again by saying he has a degree from the U of M and that (direct quote) "I'll always make more money than you".

I said I was sorry that I was born smart and that it's sad to see him get all upset because someone that spent 1/8th of the money on an education can still do the same things he can, plus a lot more. I said while he may be an excellent programmer, and regardless of how much we make, on a company wide basis, I will always be more important in terms of whether or not the company succeeds.

I followed that up with the following closing statement ending the friendship:

"I have figured out what's wrong with you and your family. You judge your worth based on the size of your paycheck and not by the individual. That's too bad. But, thanks for showing your true colors before I wasted any more effort trying to be friends with you. I guess you can thank your sister, as she's the one that begged and pleaded with me to talk to you in the first place. I don't feel bad about telling you that now. Best of luck with the missles and blowing stuff up. Good luck and fuck you."

I felt like I handled it the best I could and he's just a jackoff and I did the right thing by saying what I said. Sure I could have maybe not been so harsh at the end, but if the bridge is burned, then, well, screw it.

My question to you all is: When someone asks you a question like "How much do you make?" how do you react?

Anyone that would have continued on in a friendship like that?

My question to you all is: When someone asks you a question like "How much do you make?" how do you react?

The proper response is:

Enough to pay your mom.

He sounds like a douchebag, and anyone who judges their own self worth based off the size of their paycheck probably has a problem with the size of something else...

Yeah, he sounds annoying. Sounds like he doesn't exactly bring out the best in you either.

What kind of douchebag brags about being able to solve traveling salesman in 5 minutes?

That's fucking np-incomplete, the moron.

Re the 'how much do you make'? question:

It all depends on how I am asked. I don't mind if anyone knows my salary, per se; my sense of self-worth isn't tied to it and it might even be instructive to those either considering higher education as a career, or under the impression that we're overpaid :).

That having been said, it sounds like this guy has a real chip on his shoulder and Elemak's answer is essentially the correct one given the situation. I disagree, however, with which statement in your reply likely 'ended' the friendship; this one, for most men and many women, was likely the stake through the heart:

I said I was sorry that I was born smart and that it's sad to see him get all upset because someone that spent 1/8th of the money on an education can still do the same things he can, plus a lot more. I said while he may be an excellent programmer, and regardless of how much we make, on a company wide basis, I will always be more important in terms of whether or not the company succeeds.

For people of the NT (Meyers-Briggs) temperment, and they're *heavily* represented in the IT field, the greatest insult one can level at another is to call their competence into question - the stuff about his personality at the end probably didn't sting nearly as much. He's likely already painfully aware that you are quicker than he and resents you for your innate and non-worked-for gifts; to slap him in the face (regardless of the fact that he was being a douche about it) about the area of his life that is of paramount importance to him was probably a point-of-no-return move. On the other hand, upon processing, he may realize he's reacting emotionally and he'll bounce back and end up contacting *you*. Are these types of outbursts/dick measuring contests common for him?

In any case, I would not fret about what you said; clearly the guy deserved it and was spoiling for a confrontation (for whatever reason), and if there is to be anything further as far as friendship goes between you it's clearly his move.

Regards,
Nydia

You seem to have handled this well, although you might have endured more than I would or could have.

I would have most likely stuck with the fact that he thought 50k was going to be a great salary in CA; if he is that naive or simply stupid, no amount of training or college prep is going to fix his problem.

You seem to have handled this well, although you might have endured more than I would or could have.

I would have most likely stuck with the fact that he thought 50k was going to be a great salary in CA; if he is that naive or simply stupid, no amount of training or college prep is going to fix his problem.


So true, he obviously isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I don't have any good friends who feel the need to discuss our salaries; I'm not sure how I would approach it myself.

I always say decent money for the area. Its accurate and pretty much says i don't want to give a specific amount

On the subject of salary information, I find our indoctrination to keep that some sort of secret measurement of our importance in life a pretty sick thing to do to people. I'm fairly open with discussing mine, although given the associations one must be careful not to sound like you're bragging.

My salary has varied pretty wildly over the years, should I be considered by my highest or current? Breakfast of Champions where art thou.

Meh, I probably make the least out of all of my friends. The small profits I end up making, I end up sinking into more gear to hopefully grow my business.

That being said, there's a lot of rewards from different professions, and money certainly isn't the only one. I'd sooner do my job for a small amount than a job involving a cubicle for double or even triple my salary.

My friends appreciate I enjoy my job, and they enjoy theirs, and if they gave me shit about how little I made I'd go find new friends.

Meh, I probably make the least out of all of my friends. The small profits I end up making, I end up sinking into more gear to hopefully grow my business.

That being said, there's a lot of rewards from different professions, and money certainly isn't the only one. I'd sooner do my job for a small amount than a job involving a cubicle for double or even triple my salary.

My friends appreciate I enjoy my job, and they enjoy theirs, and if they gave me shit about how little I made I'd go find new friends.


A very genuine outlook.

I could be making better money if I had stuck with an earlier career. I have taught GED classes, I have interned as a caseworker at one of our state prisons, I have served as director of a therapeutic community (treatment program) at the state prison, and I have done consulting and lectures with varied correctional and academic groups. I never enjoyed any of that; even the fleeting glimpses of folks learning in the GED program lost it's lustre.

Now, with 23 years of delivering mail, I am content; going to work each day is not a drag, my salary meets my needs, and with my seniority I have a nice route outside the city where nature is still evident with lots of forested areas and wildlife. (And, I passed my retirement eligibility date last June; I am figuring at least another 6-10 years before retiring tho')

Happiness is relative, I guess.

i dont have a problem telling people if they ask, 45k-50k depending on bonuses /shrug.

My best friend and I both know how much each other make. We don't measure ourselves by that, and what each of us make is unimportant. We both just happened to be in the job market at the same time (in slightly different fields), so we discussed it a bunch as we were getting our current jobs. Neither of us have the ego with each other to make a big deal out of it or dwell on it. He had moved away for his original programming job, and he wanted to move back. He had me help him look for opportunities here, so I guess it was kind of important for me to know what kind of money he was looking for to find him a career here.

Your "friend" sounds like a douche bag though Krakah.

I'll be your friend Krakah ))

Why does it matter to know how much you make vs. your friends or even your family? To me it sounds like his friend felt he had something to prove and was miffed when he couldn't.

It's not about keeping that information from your friends it's about surrounding yourself with people who don't care or hold value to that sort of information. How much someone makes doesn't mean I like them any more or less. In my situation two of my closer friends also happen to work with me. One is our financial specialist and she knows everyone's salary; she's commented she makes much less than me or my other friend; but that doesn't affect our friendship. I'm the only female in my group I'd rather not know how I compare to my peers b/c it will either piss me off or make me worry someone will try to start shit; it's bad enough I hear dumb shit about how my boss likes me more and takes me to more conferences than them, blah, blah this would just add fuel. (no, I'm not out at work, so the dumbasses assume other things)

I think your salary is between you and your management and your family. I guess I've dealt with this on a different level b/c my sister also works for my company and in the same dept but a different group. I make twice what she does and she bitches b/c she thinks b/c she is the oldest in the family she should be making more blah blah blah. It really can be a nasty conversation so I avoid it with her. I made the mistake once of answering her when she asked how much I made, never again. I don't even discuss raises with her; I just don't want to go there with her.

So I guess I just don't see the need in knowing what my friends make or them knowing what I make. If a friend asked me or cornered me like this guy did though I'd probably give him an astronomical number to make him feel like a piss ant for pushing me to his level :p

Sounds like a bunch of drama. Good on you for getting rid of him, if his worth is tied to his paycheck, he's not worth it.

$50k in California? He'll get a rude awakening, soon....

$50k in California? He'll get a rude awakening, soon....

With $50k he can buy 2-3 houses in California right now.

And lose them next week.

Nah, with 50k you'll buy the whole house - no mortgage :)

assuming someone doesn't outbid him and he can get qualified for a loan maybe.

Thanks for the replies. I have a bad habit of having a short temper and usually if I overreact I feel guilty about it later on, but after this incident I didn't, so I figured something I said must have been right :P

Oh well. Time to go back to being anti social again!

"how big is your dick?" is the equivalent question. It's not polite to ask, and if you do, your interest in the subject is a little bit fucked up.

That said, the point of personal finances that nobody tells you when you are young is that it's not how much you make, it's how much you save. Active income is worthless compared to passive income. And that retirement thing that everyone thinks is so far away? That's just when your passive income covers your expenses.

Also, California is expensive. If he was a real programmer, he'd be making 90k out of college out here.

Hell, a decent tech support job out here can make 60k.

"how big is your dick?"

12 inches

To comment generally, I find it impressively boorish when people insist on talking specific figures like that.

I usually give people a pass for their first job or when they get a big promotion and it's a huge deal to them. But damn. Some people just can not stop trying to validate themselves with their (usually) unimpressive incomes.

50k a year over here is garbage... I made 55k in sales before I took over the family business.

And if that is 50k before taxes... He will either need to live in the gang infested area's, or always be short on money. California is not cheap!

12 inches

Where in PA do you live again?! :D

12 inches

Me too, but then I take off the rubber band and unfold it....



Seriously, I loved the Robert Townsend comedy act when he talked about going into a men's room, with other occupants, and after unzipping his fly there was the sound of casting a rod and a subsequent splash.


And more seriously, one of the guys that used to ride with us had one of those humongous dicks, and he said it was more a curse than blessing, because it was not easy keeping it hard.

Me too, but then I take off the rubber band and unfold it....



Seriously, I loved the Robert Townsend comedy act when he talked about going into a men's room, with other occupants, and after unzipping his fly there was the sound of casting a rod and a subsequent splash.


And more seriously, one of the guys that used to ride with us had one of those humongous dicks, and he said it was more a curse than blessing, because it was not easy keeping it hard.

...

...



...........

Guess mine's bigger. :cool:

But as far as the topic, I don't see a friend getting pissy about this kind of conversation, so he is well rid of, and time to move along.

12 centimeters

Fixed that for you....:p

And more seriously, one of the guys that used to ride with us had one of those humongous dicks, and he said it was more a curse than blessing, because it was not easy keeping it hard.

That and I'm sure he had his fair share of women that asked "Where the Hell do you think you are putting THAT?"

Fixed that for you....:p


Thanks, I had forgotten to note the width.